


Twunk Rock

by blue_whalen



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad roommate au, Dei is so done with them, Kakuhida - Freeform, Kakuzu is a grump, M/M, Obnoxious neighbor, Rock Band AU, Sexy landlord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27239062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_whalen/pseuds/blue_whalen
Summary: Kakuzu is roused from his slumber by the most obnoxious new neighbor. He storms up to yell at him, but... Damn... He's hot!
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Twunk Rock

**Author's Note:**

> A last-minute entry for day three of Kakuhida week lol scraping in! Please enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to @AburameQueen3 for editing

Kakuzu awoke late in the night. He wasn't particularly sure as to why he was roused so suddenly; the hangover he was sporting made his world a little foggy, but he was absolutely awake. The weather outside was changing, cooling, and with it brought his greatest joy...

Joint pain.

Kids these days may be wondering if this is all there is to life. Working a crap job to live in a place you don't even like with neighbors you want to strangle. But no. There's more in life... There is also joint pain.

Kakuzu slowly sat up, making groans that could only be described as the sounds of a buffalo giving birth. He slipped on another jacket and made his way out of his small room. Takigakure was a very hot place and because of this, he didn't handle the cold well. Especially not when his head seemed to be aching in almost a rhythmic beat.

He groggily made his way to the kitchen and turned on his oven. He set the preheat and opened the oven door, letting the heat fill his crappy apartment. It wasn't very effective, but it was all he was willing to do. 

Ah, classic oven heat! The cheapest way to heat yourself outside lighting a fire in your living room! Oven heat, guaranteed to make your entire house smell like the burning bits of food stuck to the bottom and warm only two rooms at best. Oven heat, the poor or cheap man’s way out of spending money on heating.

He huddled by the oven while attempting to wake up enough to figure out why he was awake. The metal that ran through his body meant when the heat was gone, his body was as cold as metal. This was yet another thing he hated about the Earth Grudge’s power.

His rhythmic headache only worsened, the beat growing faster. It was almost as if it had timing, beat, and waves of intensity that changed every few minutes. It was the most perplexing headache he'd ever had, and he'd had quite the collection. He looked at the clock and let out a groan. It was very early in the morning, only a few hours before he'd need to be up for work. This thought was destroyed by another wave of headache and a wail that sounded like a dying cat coming from the distance.

All at once, he pinpointed why his head hurt in such odd patterns as well as why he was awake at roughly 3:45 am. The music from the apartment directly above him was the loudest, most obnoxious, bass amplified punk rock he had ever heard.

Now that he'd realized the source, he also noticed that everything in his house was shaking wildly. From the wall hangings to the floor itself. Everything was alive with vibrations. He could barely stand properly in the shaking or form any coherent thought except one very particular one that raged.

He was going to murder his neighbor.

Kakuzu stormed out from his room, dressed exactly as he was, all bundled up with his hair pulled into a messy bun. He looked like a middle-aged mother going to tell off those dang kids playing too close to his driveway.

He stormed his way up the frosty outdoor steps to the higher apartment. He knew that he lived in a crappy neighborhood and was usually fine with that. At least, until he ended up with a noisy asshole right upstairs. He had never actually seen his neighbor, but he'd sure as hell heard them clopping around in heels at absurd hours of the night.

He made it to the front door and was a bit taken aback. He knew it was approaching Halloween, but this was simply absurd. The area was fully decorated for the holiday. Skeletons, bats, fake blood, terribly carved pumpkins, what looked like stolen crime scene tape, the works. But what really caught his attention were the terrible stickers stuck to the door. They had phrases like “She’s a bitch, burn her!” “my ass is your treat” and “wanna bone?” with a little cartoon skeleton next to it.

He only read a few before he lost hope in humanity. He chose instead to knock on the door with all his pent up aggression. He wasn't surprised when his fist left several dents in the door. This was a really crappy apartment complex. He stood there for a moment and was about to knock again until he heard the music stop suddenly and the scratching of a chain lock on the door.

The door swung open, revealing his neighbor at last. The first thing he noticed was this was a man, not the girl he'd imagined. Maybe he had a girlfriend? He then noticed dangly earrings on this man that said ”Bite me” in tiny font. Nope, scratch that. No girlfriend for this one. The high heel sounds were a mystery he would rather not know.

The young man in the doorway had silver hair with blood-red halfway down the length, dark make-up with black lipstick, and of course he was shamelessly shirtless in his doorway, but at least wore pants. Even if those pants were tight leather that left very little to the imagination, it was better than nothing. He had large, colorful tattoos and piercings littering his body. Kakuzu couldn't help but wonder how many he had hidden beneath his—no. Focus.

Kakuzu suddenly realized he’d been frozen there, taking in the sight of the man before him for too long. He had come up here and just ogled him for an uncomfortable amount of time. Shame washed over him in an instant. He must look so stupid to this man in his sweaters and slippers, shivering like a drenched cat.

“See something ya like, daddio?” The cocky man flashed him a self-confident grin that reignited his rage. He had come up here to either tell him off or murder him, and he was not leaving until he did one of those. He gritted his teeth and made his toughest glare, only getting angrier as it didn't appear to work on this asshole.

“Shut up. I came up here to tell you to shut the hell up before I call the cops on you. Are you aware it's three in the fucking morning?” He whisper-yelled. He didn't want to wake up the other tenants and have them see him in such a ridiculous state.

“Oh, shit. Is it that late? Damn... And fuck it's cold out there!” The strange man covered his exposed nipples as if that would help him. ”Yell at me inside! I'm gonna freeze to death.” He pulled Kakuzu into his warm apartment. Very warm. The entire room felt like the inside of Kakuzu’s oven. He couldn't help but be kind of glad to have this conversation in the warmth, even if this apartment looked as ludicrous as the owner.

The walls, that used to have a pleasant wallpaper, had been spray-painted and covered in posters and decals. All the furniture was covered in punky clothes and stained with various body paints and glitter. The stench of cheap perfume and even cheaper alcohol permeated the room, making his headache far worse.

His observations of the room were cut off by the bathroom door swinging open. A very blonde man came trotting out. His state was just as bad as his shirtless neighbor. His ass-length blonde hair had streaks of rainbow colors throughout the underside, he wore body glitter, dramatic makeup, and a cropped pink sweater that said ”Bubblegum Bitch” across it. What made his choices just as bad, was the fact that he had chosen to neglect pants, wearing instead lacy underwear.

Together they make a full outfit. Even if they would still look like a hooker. Kakuzu thought sardonically.

The blonde froze in place when they made eye contact. After a good stare, he went running back into the bedroom. At least Kakuzu had identified the source of the heels. 

His shirtless neighbor snickered. “Sorry Dei! It's just the dude from downstairs.” He called out towards the door, only receiving expletives in response. He fixed his gaze back on Kakuzu. “Ah, that's better, what were you saying? I was freezing my tits off!” 

“A shirt might help.” He said dryly.

“Nah, I hate those. They're waaaaay too constricting!” He said, waving his hand like the thought was a bothersome insect.

Kakuzu pushed onwards, he didn't want to try to understand this man. “You're playing your music way too loud. I have to be at work in a few hours. Turn it off.” He started simply. A lot of his anger had dissipated with the strange events of the evening and because his joints didn't ache that badly in this nice heat.

“I guess we just lost track of time. Dei and I just got out of a gig and are trying to come down for the night.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“A gig?” Kakuzu asked. He had to admit he was a tad curious about this handsome stranger. He beamed at Kakuzu as soon as he asked. It was like flipping a switch.

“Yeah! My best friend and I go to all sorts of bars, parties, open mic nights, you name it all around the city! We actually just got a massive gig for this huge “Taste of the City” concert! There will be thousands of people and like, twenty of the city’s most popular up and coming bands and we totally got in!” He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet while talking about it. It was hard to be upset when he was smiling like that.

“That's good. I used to go to that sort of thing all the time when I was your age.” Kakuzu said thoughtfully. Hidan locked his focus on him.

“Seriously? You should totally come! I'll get you a band tee! You can wear it and support us!” He practically yelled, making Kakuzu’s head spin.

“Your gigs seem late. I've probably got to work the next day.” He tried to sidestep his way back out of this, but Hidan wasn't having it.

“That's the great thing about this! It starts at like, six on Saturday and ends at nine! Super early! Even old people can come!” He said. As he saw Kakuzu about to object he held up a finger, then bolted. He came back with an XXXL t-shirt and a ticket to the concert. “Don't make your choice yet! Just take these, and think about it.” He dumped the items in his arms and pushed him towards the door.

“I-” Kakuzu started to speak, but was cut off yet again.

“Don't worry, we’ll be silent as mice! Promise!” He said as he finally jammed him back out into the cold. “Also, I'm Hidan, so you know whose name to yell at the concert.” He winked and the door was closed.

Kakuzu numbly made his way back down the stairs. He was so confused and disoriented by the entire event. Had all of that actually happened or was that some sort of hangover dream? He made his way back into his oven-heated apartment and then back into his bed. He was still stunned, but also too tired not to succumb to the beckoning darkness of sleep.

______________________________________

By Friday night he had almost completely forgotten about the concert he'd been invited to go to. That was until he saw the sticky note on his door. The note read, “See you tomorrow! -Hidan” and had a crudely drawn smiley face on it. He took the note down and went into his apartment.

Was he really even considering this? He was a responsible forty-two-year-old businessman who had no business rubbing elbows with a bunch of sweaty, drunk, disgusting teenagers screaming over migraine-inducing music that likely wasn't even any good. Music these days was all just bass and mindless but catchy lyrics. Why would he subject himself to it?

He paused by the chair he affectionately called Laundry Chair where he had chucked the tee and ticket. He picked the ticket up from the pile and observed it. If he remembered correctly, a low-level ticket to one of these things was pricey, but his ticket had the bolded words that said Backstage Pass printed on the back. Those were even pricier.

So, that fool had given him an expensive ticket to a show he never even said that he would go to. What an idiot. He thought. But another thought forcefully shoved its way into his head. This time, it was the memory of the smile Hidan had given him, that prideful grin. He was so excited and despite his best efforts, Kakuzu found him rather attractive even though he knew he was far too young for him.

That smile was infectious, like a plague. And his body was more than acceptable. He was strong, but not bulky. And those tattoos certainly highlighted his features. He knew he was probably a pervert, but he couldn't help but think of all the things he could do to him to make up for the hours of sleep he lost.

And he had given him quite an expensive ticket... It would be an awfully big shame to waste the money...

That was how he found himself wearing a poorly made “HD Supernova” t-shirt and slowly inching through a sea of sweaty children to try to find his seat. Logically, he knew most of these people were at least in their twenties, but right now it felt like he was a substitute teacher starting his first day at the same time as a school assembly.

When he finally found his way to his seat, he was delighted to find that it was as close to the stage, without being in the mosh pit, as possible. He had an excellent view and plenty of space to move around. A very expensive seat, indeed.

The shows began exactly how he expected. Lots of lights, smoke, blaring sounds, shitty lyrics, and played out themes. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and being young dumbasses seemed to be the most popular themes. He was only a few bands in when he recognized that cocky smirk that took the stage.

Hidan was the guitarist and backup vocals with a few parts of the lyrics he cut into. He recognized the lead singer as the blonde he'd seen far too much of earlier and registered that he had a lovely voice and very meaningful lyrics, but he wasn't even listening. His entire being was captured by Hidan. He was powerless to peel his eyes away.

Hidan’s hair was disheveled by all the bouncing around he was doing but it looked so beautiful like that. He was, naturally, shirtless and covered in a fine sheen of sweat that made him sparkle under the hot stage lights. He looked absolutely stunning.

Kakuzu felt his stomach flip and all his blood rush downwards when he locked eyes with Hidan. He slowly smiled and Kakuzu thought he was going to have a heart attack where he stood. This was it, he was enamored with a loud, foul-mouthed, idiot who was half his age and lived right above him. He was doomed.

The rest of the concert passed in a haze. The two of them made gratuitous eye contact throughout the concert. Hidan smiled each time he found Kakuzu to still be staring at him. It encouraged him to dance and perform more drastic maneuvers. He loved feeling Kakuzu’s eyes on him.

After the remaining bands, Kakuzu made his way to the back with the few others who held backstage tickets. He expected to be pushed and shoved the entire way, but everybody gave him a wide berth to move around. He figured that was best. He already had quite the intimidating build, but this tight t-shirt made him all the more impressive.

He watched as the crowd of fans and paparazzi clumped around the duo he was looking for. His hopes of talking to Hidan tanked when he saw how busy they had become. He figured they wouldn't want to bother with him now that they were so popular, but he was evidently wrong.

The moment their eyes met, Hidan excused himself from the crowd, leaving poor Deidara to fend for himself in the swarm. Hidan bounced over to him and grinned like a cat who'd gotten into trouble. 

“You showed up.” He purred.

“You invited me.” Kakuzu pointed out. He was trying to keep his heart rate low. Hidan’s grin was practically predatory and that was enough to make his blood heat up and rush places it really ought not to. Hidan pushed him into a corner and pressed far too close to him. They could feel each other’s heartbeat and it was intoxicating.

“Well, how else was I supposed to see that sexy face of yours and get you to listen to my music? Nobody wants to listen to the weird guy who yells; LISTEN TO MY ALBUM! On the street.” He ran his fingers along Kakuzu’s chest, teasing, but Kakuzu had endured more than enough. He slammed their lips into the hungry kiss Hidan so clearly wanted. He practically moaned into Kakuzu’s mouth. 

Their kiss was all teeth and tongue, filled with a hungry passion. When it finally ended, it left them both panting. Hidan stroked Kakuzu’s face, not seeming at all put off by the scars. In fact, they seemed to turn him on all the more. That lecherous look in those purple eyes was dangerous in this of all places. Kakuzu was not an exhibitionist and definitely didn't want to get caught here. He was a reclusive billionaire and this would cause quite the stirring in the news.

He pulled away. “Whatever you're thinking, we can't do it here.” He warned. Kids these days were rather reckless.

“Your place, or mine?” Hidan purred against his neck before giving a little nip.

”Yours.” Kakuzu said simply before slipping out of the corner. “Knock on your way up, I'll be joining you. Don't keep me waiting. I'm not a fan of staying up late.” 

He could hear Hidan’s slightly manic laugh on his way out. This kid was going to be the death of him. He wasn't aware of the photos that were taken of them when he scuttled off as subtly as he could. He would have to handle that influx later.

_____________________________________

When Kakuzu arrived, he found a stark naked Hidan spread out across the couch. He was stunned, but not disappointed. He collapsed atop him and kissed him with passion. Those legs wrapped around him, holding tight. No words were needed, only body language.

The night was filled with passion. Kisses, bites, tugs of the hair, they felt it all. Kakuzu was divinely talented with his fingers and Hidan with his tongue. They were a perfect match. Kakuzu found that the more he hurt him, the more he screamed his name. Fuck the neighbors, Kakuzu owned the apartment anyway. He wanted to hear that voice. They kept up until neither could take it anymore, bodies too oversensitive, and then stayed in each other’s arms far after they were done.

Kakuzu looked around the living room. It looked so much worse now that he was sitting there. It looked like a drunk raccoon had decorated it.

“So, you know you aren't getting your security deposit back, right?” Kakuzu asked, only kindly interested. Hidan snorted.

“Yeah, but I don't care. I figured I’d end up destroying it anyway, so it doesn't matter much.” He shrugged.

“As your landlord, I vaguely hate that you've done this. I mean, not enough to kick you out, but still.” Hidan froze at his words, then sat up slightly to look at him bewildered.

“Wait, wait! You're my landlord!? But everyone says the landlord is a stingy asshole!” He barked. His tone and the terminology did piss Kakuzu off, but it wasn't a surprise. He knew the tenants hated him, they just didn't need to know he was their neighbor. He gave a nod. After a moment more of disbelief, Hidan grinned.

“Think I can pay off my damages in another way~?” He purred, but Kakuzu didn't budge.

“Your actions have consequences. In this case, they're financial.” Kakuzu said sternly. He wouldn't let him off for this. Kids had it too easy these days, in his opinion. Hidan clearly disagreed. He glared at Kakuzu. He decided it was best to move along past that. “So, are you free tomorrow? Around seven? I'd like to try a date.”

Hidan looked genuinely surprised at the question, like he’d expected to be used and thrown away. “Seriously? Oh, uh, yeah. I'm free.” He smiled. This was a lot better than he’d thought. Great sex and he wanted to go out. Kakuzu nodded as Hidan snuggled in against his chest.

“Good. I'll pick you up and we’ll go. I think there's a food truck rally going on.” He said quietly. He knew food trucks were very cost-effective and he wanted to see him as soon as possible. 

They stayed together for the rest of the night, only parting to freshen up the next day. The date went great and they began to go places together and spend more time together. Kakuzu found that Hidan was very entertaining despite his annoying habits. Hidan also found that if he played loud music, Kakuzu would come up and screw him until they both slept, not a bad deal at all.

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is brought to you by Oven Heat! Try oven heat today! (don't it's really bad)


End file.
